Learn To Love Yourself
by Brittany1022
Summary: Jeffrey Sterling used to be the spirit of the school. The one whose smile would always light up a room and could cheer most anybody up. He also used to be happy and in love with the perfect girl, but then the accident happened and now she's gone and Jeff blames himself. Will the new kid, Nick, be able to get Jeff to open up to friendships and love again? Rated T for now.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first multi-chaptered Niff fic. I've been wanting to write one for a while, and this idea wouldn't leave me alone, so... Let me know what you think so far? :)**

**I don't own any characters or anything.**

Another day. Same boring routine.

Wake up. Put on the same blazer. Go to the same classes. Go to Warblers practice. Do homework. Sleep. That's all every day seemed to be lately. It's not like Jeff expected today to be any different. He was currently in the process of doing his hair, making sure it looked as nice and perfect as possible like it did every day. Jeff had to at least appear like he was well put together, even though his close friends knew better.

Jeffrey Sterling used to be the spirit of the school. The one whose smile would always light up a room and could cheer most anybody up. He also used to be in love with "the most perfect and beautiful girl ever", as he would say. They were perfect for each other, everybody thought so. Jeff really thought he'd found the love of his life. But then the accident happened and now she's gone and Jeff blames himself and nothing is the same, not really. Jeff isn't the same ball of energy anymore with tons of friends around. He's isolated himself - save for Blaine, his best friend, who still tries to get him involved with everyone and everything- and just doesn't feel _good_ enough anymore. He doesn't feel worth anyone's time.

Grabbing his books for his first few classes, Jeff made his way out of his single room - yes, he'd somehow managed to not get a roommate, which he figured was probably better for everyone - and down to his first class; math. Honestly, math shouldn't be allowed to be taught at 7:30am - whose brain was even fully awake that early?- especially on a Monday morning like this, where he'd hardly gotten any sleep the night before.

Jeff held his books with one arm while he rubbed at his eyes with the other, trying to wake himself up more. He probably should spend less time on his hair in the mornings and more on actually trying to wake up or getting coffee or something. He knew he didn't always have his priorities straight, but Jeff couldn't bring himself to care.

The blond rounded a corner, not fully watching where he was going, and the next thing he knew his books were on the ground along with someone else's.

"Oh! I'm sorry about that, I didn't see you there," an unfamiliar voice said.

_Yeah, it's not the first time I've heard that_, Jeff thought, bending down to pick up some books. "It's alright, it was my fault anyway, sorry." His voice came out soft, almost timid sounding.

The other boy bent down to help Jeff gather up the books. "No, really," he insisted. "I'm new here, I don't really know where anything is." He stood back up holding half of the books. "I'm Nick."

Jeff stood up as well, finally glancing up to see the boy standing in front of him. He forced a small smile. "Jeff." The blond looked over the books he was holding. "Oh, I think this one is yours... I must've grabbed it by mistake." Jeff held out a World History book to Nick.

"Thanks," Nick smiled, taking the book. "That would probably explain why I'm holding two chemistry books." The brunet handed the book over to Jeff with a soft laugh. He looked Jeff over for a few seconds, noticing how reserved the boy seemed to be. "I don't mean to interrupt whatever you were doing, but you're the first student I've actually spoken to since I got here. Would you mind maybe showing me around a bit so I don't run into anybody else while trying to figure out this schedule?"

Taking the book, Jeff looked up at Nick. The smile on the other boy's face was... nice. It was different to have somebody smile at him without one trace of pity behind it. This boy was new, which meant he didn't know about Jeff or his past. Nick was simply being nice because Jeff figured that's just how he was. The blond's smile grew a little and he nodded. "Yeah, sure. Let me see your schedule..." Jeff carefully took the paper from Nick, looking it over. "Well... looks like we have math, chemistry, and gym together."

Nick couldn't help but to smile more at Jeff's words, feeling a little more relieved that he would have somebody he somewhat knew in half of his classes. "Great! And math's our first class, right?" He leaned closer to Jeff, looking at his paper.

"Uhh... yeah," Jeff nodded, trying to ignore how close Nick was standing to him. He wasn't used to having people close like this. Hell, even Blaine knew Jeff liked his personal space. "Have you figured out where your room is yet?"

"No, not really... I just came from the office when I bumped into you. They circled the room on the map on the other side though?" Nick offered, taking the paper from Jeff to unfold it and turn it over.

Their fingers brushed and Jeff tried to ignore how it felt. He didn't receive personal contact much anymore. Not since his ex - Sarah - died, anyway. Jeff looked down at the paper and smiled a little when he saw where Nick's room was. "Well... looks like I have a new roommate." He wasn't sure how he felt about this, but maybe it wouldn't be so bad since Nick was new and didn't know how horrible of a person Jeff was. Maybe he wouldn't get treated any differently, like what most everyone else around Dalton seemed to do just because of what happened.

Nick's face practically lit up at Jeff's words. "Really? Awesome! I mean, it's just kind of a relief since you're the only person I know so far, so..." He shrugged lightly, laughing a little nervously. "My stuff won't be here until after classes are over with, maybe you could show me where our room is then?"

Jeff nodded before frowning a few seconds later. "Oh, right, I have Warblers practice after gym..."

"Warblers?" Nick questioned, furrowing his brows. "What's that?"

"Our acapella group. It's pretty great. You should check it out if you sing."

The brunet thought about it for a few seconds before giving a small smile. "Maybe... I'll think about it. If I don't go, I'm sure I could find our room on my own." Nick took the paper back from Jeff, folding it and stuffing it inside one of his books. Now that he had Jeff with him, he wouldn't need to look at it every five seconds to figure out where he was going. At least not until after math, anyway.

Jeff nodded, glancing up at the clock on the wall. "We should probably go... If we don't leave now, we'll be late. Mrs. Thompson doesn't deal well with people being late." He rolled his eyes, causing Nick to laugh.

"Good to know. I'd rather stay off all of my teachers bad sides." Nick walked alongside Jeff as they headed down the hall. He glanced over at the blond after a minute of silence. "Thanks, Jeff."

Jeff looked over at the other boy, a small smile tugging at his lips. "For what?"

Nick shrugged. "Everything? I mean, I had heard that Dalton would be nice. That the people were nicer... And meeting you has seemed to only prove that. So thanks for that. And for being okay with showing me around."

"Oh, well... you're welcome, I guess. I'm glad you're liking things already." Jeff liked that it seemed easy to talk to Nick. Originally, he was just going to show Nick around and not bother with him after that, figuring that he could surely find better people to associate with. But since Nick was his roommate, he knew they'd have to be able to get along. Staying friendly with the new kid wasn't a bad thing... right? Jeff knew he wouldn't be able to let Nick get too close. He was damaged goods. Broken. He didn't deserve a nice friend like Nick, it was the same reason he'd pushed everyone else away. Sure Jeff would be nice to him, but he didn't expect much else to happen.

The two of them headed off to math class, Nick asking whatever questions he could think of on the way. Mostly just to get Jeff to talk, but also because he was curious about things. Surprisingly enough, Jeff didn't mind it. He was happy to help, to do something good for a change. It felt... nice. Jeff decided that maybe, just maybe, being around Nick wouldn't be so bad.


	2. Chapter 2

**I apologize for the wait, I didn't mean to take so long. Got wrapped up in some personal/family stuff, but I should have more time to write now. :) I was originally going to make this chapter longer, but where it cut off seemed right, so... enjoy and let me know what you think. :)**

**I don't own any characters or anything.**

"Are you always so quiet?"

Jeff and Nick had just gotten out of chemistry and were making their way to the lunch room together. They hadn't seen much of each other in math or chemistry, what with Jeff sitting behind Nick in their first class and the opposite side of the room in their third. Jeff had figured that Nick just must be the talkative type. He didn't really mind it, but it made it hard to keep himself distanced from the other boy.

Jeff shrugged, considering the question for a few seconds. It wasn't like he could say "_no, just since the accident_," since he didn't want Nick to know about that. "I guess so, yeah," he settled on, not knowing what else to say. Nick seemed to buy it though and just nodded in response. The blond walked over to an empty table and sat down, figuring Nick would go off someplace else.

"Do you mind if I eat with you?" Nick asked after a few seconds. "It's okay if there's no room or something, I just figured it wouldn't hurt to ask." He shrugged a little, offering Jeff a soft smile. For all he knew, the table was already full and there wouldn't be room for him, which was okay. Jeff had already done a lot for Nick and he was grateful for it all.

Jeff looked up at Nick at his question and blinked. He was surprised, to say the least. He knew Nick was probably only sticking around because Jeff was one of the only people he knew so far. Surely he'd meet other better people in his classes and then want to sit with them instead. Nick would be better off being friends with them, not Jeff. This would only last for a few days tops, it had to.

Nick's smile faltered a bit at the silence and he gave a nod. "Alright, I'll just..." He pointed off in a different direction and started to turn to walk away.

"Wait!" Jeff called out, his voice louder than it usually ever was. A few people who were walking by turned to look in their direction before they continued off. "No, it's..." Jeff hadn't noticed that he'd halfway stood up just to grab onto Nick's wrist. He pulled his hand back immediately, like he knew he shouldn't have touched Nick, the movement making it seem like he'd been burned by the touch. The blond cleared his throat before sitting back down, keeping his eyes off of Nick. "Sit, please." His voice was back to his usual quiet tone.

The brunet watched Jeff, curious about the way he was behaving, but decided not to comment on it. "Okay, thanks." Nick smiled warmly at Jeff even though he wasn't looking. Jeff was different than most people Nick had met, not just at Dalton, but ever. He wasn't sure what it was... just that there _was_ something different about Jeff.

"Sorry, are... we interrupting?" A familiar voice asked before he and another boy took seats on the other side of Jeff, not bothering to wait for an answer.

Jeff glanced up and shook his head. He figured that Blaine and Kurt had probably seen what had just happened and he didn't want to think about it, let alone get all sorts of questions asked by Blaine. Yeah, he was still somewhat Jeff's best friend, but that didn't mean that Jeff wanted to burden the other boy with his issues.

Blaine smiled at Jeff. "Great. Now who's your friend here?"

Jeff tried not to flinch at the use of the word 'friend', but had a feeling Nick caught it anyway. "Nick," he responded after a few seconds. "And Nick, this is Blaine and Kurt."

"Hey, it's nice to meet you both," Nick grinned. "I'm new here. Jeff's been showing me around some. And we're roommates."

Jeff looked at Blaine and caught the slightly worried look on his face and suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. He nudged Blaine's knee under the table with his own to get his attention and shook his head a little. Blaine gave Jeff a look, like they were having a silent conversation between the two of them before he gave a small nod in return.

"That's great to hear, Nick," Kurt smiled, feeling the need to fill in the silence before it turned even more awkward.

"Yeah..." Nick frowned a little, clearly confused by what was happening. "Jeff's been great. I'm lucky I ran into him when I did." He looked at Jeff and his smile returned a little. "Well, I better go get some lunch. Excuse me." The brunet left his books on the table and got up to head towards the food.

Kurt jumped up after a second. "I'll come with you!" He called after Nick and hurried to catch up with him.

"He touched you, didn't he?"

The blond looked up at the question with a puzzled look on his face. "What? No, he didn't."

Blaine raised his eyebrows a little and leaned his arms against the table. "I know you, Jeff. I saw that look on your face before we walked over here. What happened?"

"If you need to know so badly, _I_ touched _him_. I didn't mean to, it just... happened." Jeff shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back in his chair. "I don't know, it just... I freaked, as always, and was more than a little obvious about it. Nick probably thinks I'm completely insane by now."

"So he doesn't know...?" Blaine asked gently, keeping his voice down.

Jeff's eyes narrowed slightly, clearly annoyed. "No. I don't go telling every random stranger I meet that I killed my ex girlfriend-"

"Jeff..."

"Fine. _Practically_ killed her." Jeff really didn't want to get into it right now with Blaine, not again. He didn't want to think about it or what happened or any of it.

Blaine sighed, deciding not to push it seeing as Kurt and Nick were on their way back to the table now. He looked up with a slightly forced smile to welcome his boyfriend back before glancing at Jeff. "You wanna go get some food?" He started to stand up, looking at Jeff almost expectantly.

"Nah, I'm not really hungry..." Jeff kept his eyes on the table, his mind clearly elsewhere.

Blaine was about to protest but decided he'd better not push Jeff anymore than he seemingly already had. "Alright, if you're sure." He looked at Jeff worriedly and gave Kurt a knowing glance before walking off to get food.

_Of course I know if I'm hungry or not_, Jeff thought to himself. He was annoyed, mostly with Blaine at the moment, even though it really wasn't his fault. He was just looking out for Jeff, but sometimes it was just too much. Jeff tried not to think about things, but then Blaine would always remind him of what had happened and what he had done. Blaine always treated him so differently now and sometimes Jeff just couldn't take it. The good thing about Nick was that he had no idea who Jeff was or what he had done, so he treated him like just another guy and it was really nice. Jeff's thought of Nick made him glance up at the other boy since he hadn't looked at him since before he left for food. He and Kurt were talking, and he wasn't really surprised he hadn't noticed, what with being lost in his thoughts. Jeff glanced between the two of them, trying to focus on what they were talking about.

"So you're from New York? God, that sounds amazing." Kurt sighed dreamily, pushing around the food on his plate as he was clearly thinking about something.

"It is," Nick grinned, looking at Kurt before he glanced at Jeff, happy to see that he'd snapped out of whatever he'd previously been thinking about. "Have you ever been? Either of you?"

"No. I _wish_. But it's my dream, to move out there after I graduate," Kurt smiled, glancing to Jeff. He was glad that Nick was including him in conversations, figuring that it would be good for him.

Jeff nodded, forcing a small smile. "Yeah, once. We went to the city for a few days. It was nice." He shrugged lightly.

"What'd you go there for?" Nick asked curiously, seeming happy to learn more about the blond.

"Just to visit. My mom took me when I was twelve." Jeff smiled a little at that. It was a happy memory. Happy memories were rare for Jeff lately, it seemed. "We saw a few shows, went around the city, sightseeing... the usual touristy things."

Nick smiled at that before taking a bite of his food. "That's awesome. You'll have to go back someday. It's even better when you're older."

By that point Blaine had made his way back to the table and seemed pleasantly surprised to find a smile on Jeff's face and that he was willingly engaging in conversation with someone he barely knew. He shared a look with Kurt, who was also smiling, and suddenly seemed really thankful to have Nick there with them.

When lunch was over with, Jeff seemed more relaxed than he had been at the start of lunch. Talking with Nick really hadn't been so bad. He knew he shouldn't let himself get close to Nick, especially not to the point where they were friends and all that, but it was really hard not to want to be around Nick when he made him feel so normal and okay.

"So I'll see you in the gym later, right?" Nick asked Jeff as the two of them walked down the hallway.

Jeff nodded. "Yeah. Just tell Mr. Brown you're new and I'm sure he'll give you a gym locker and all that." He paused before adding, "I really hope you brought gym clothes..."

Nick laughed before nodding. "I did. I like to come prepared."

"Okay, good," Jeff smiled at that. "Because wearing stuff that they supply kids with who _aren't_ prepared is... not favorable."

"I wouldn't think so, no," Nick laughed again, the tiniest frown appearing on his face once they reached the end of the hallway where they'd have to part ways. "Alright, well... see you then, Jeff." He nodded at the blond before turning and walking towards his English class.

Jeff watched Nick walk away for a few seconds with a smile still on his face. It was odd, really, how Jeff felt so okay just because Nick was there. Sure the whole 'touching' incident had happened, but it didn't seem like that big of a deal. Maybe Nick would be okay... Maybe things would be different. It wouldn't be so bad if they were friends, right?

_No_, Jeff shook his head once the thought entered his mind. _I can't chance getting too close to people, especially not Nick. He deserves better than that. Better than being friends with someone like me_. Jeff sighed before turning to head towards his History class, still not knowing what to do about Nick.


End file.
